Rethinking Character Assassination

Did you ever notice how assassination starts with two asses? There could be a very good reason for that.

We just get used to this Deirdre Munro when, lo and behold, we find two more short story characters in here. No shit! I kid you not. There’s a Polly McDowell and a Nora Butler wandering around as though in zombie states. It’s kind of creepy, like they are there but not all the way or something. But I don’t think the author has sold out to concoct zombie fiction, but I’ve learned never, ever to trust an author. Okay, except maybe with my life.

Maybe this kind-of-not-all-there thing is because that’s how they are in the stories she’s working on. Or maybe that’s what it looks like when one goes from character sketch to full-blown character. I don’t know. … Holy shit, maybe that’s what it looked like when I came into being! I don’t know for sure. … But, I would bet a life savings of DWD bucks that that was not how it was with Claudia. The green-eyed beauty would have existed completely, perfectly as soon as there was even the slightest flicker in my brain stem. Otherwise, there would truly not have been a flicker in me at all.

Anyway, the author’s got a couple more stories in the works, and in the meantime, LAC 13 just kind of gasps there on the page.

Oh, an idea! An idea! What would happen if I merely cut/pasted a few paragraphs of the rough draft? Ha, a publicly posted rough draft would get her ass in gear!

Sutures, LAC 13
Chapter 1

Very bravely and with great determination, Maggie rapped on the door of the Crawford-McCallister homestead. “Nobody lose your nerve,” she ordered.

I took a deep breath and watched Kris and Janice do the same.

Momentarily, the door opened and a seemingly confused Holly appeared.

Maggie point-blankly and very loudly said, “We’re here for Laura.”

“Good morning to you, too.” She narrowed her eyes at us.

Unswayed by Holly’s demeanor, Maggie explained, “Section 37a of the Lesbian Adventure Club bylaws reads, ‘Any couple forfeiting their weekend in the established rotation also forfeits all their rights. They are, in essence, at the mercy of all other members.'”

Holly gnawed on that for several seconds before she bellowed, “It does not! We don’t have bylaws!” She snatched the paper from Maggie’s hand and read. Finally, she asked, “Laura and I actually signed something like this?”

“Um, no,” Maggie admitted. “We just made it up this morning.”

“You can’t just make things up!”

“Sure, we can,” Maggie responded.

“We’re quite good at it,” Janice added with a snicker.

Holly’s hands went to her hips. “Where is everyone else?”

Maggie shrugged and simply repeated, “We’re here for Laura.”

“She’s in the living room.” She turned, and even though the living room was well within earshot, she shouted, “Babe, I think we’ve got trouble.”

…to be continued… (as soon as the author remembers her priorities)