I am not the most inconspicuous of thieves. I barely escaped with my life this time. And trust me, a few backspaces by the author and I do indeed cease to exist.

You all owe me BIG for nabbing the Chapter 3 of the still unfinished, still untitled Lesbian Adventure Club: Book 10!

If you need a recap or aren’t up to speed yet, Chapter 1 is here, Chapter 2 is here, and Chapter 3 is below.

As Clyde uncorked the cognac, my eyes did a circuit of the room for the thirtieth time. Convinced I had overlooked neither the obvious nor the obscure, I conceded that Alberta had wordlessly taken leave. Maybe she needed the bathroom. Maybe she went screaming down the street in pursuit of Earl. Maybe she had a severe aversion to cognac. Maybe I had no clue where she had gone. The best I could do was trust they hadn’t turned her into a corpse; I would not have liked that, fiction or not. Kidnapping crossed my mind, and I promptly decided I didn’t want to entertain that idea either. I resolved to give her five minutes before my busybody self embarked on a mission of making sure nothing was wrong.

Soon, Clyde got to me, and I outstretched our glasses. "Easy on this one, Clyde," I said, wobbling the goblet in my left hand.

Knowingly, he nodded. "Best to stay sober in this situation," he recommended with a smile that upturned but one side of his mouth.

As he leaned closer to pour, I quietly inquired, "Do you know what’s going on, Denny?"

He shook his head. "They wouldn’t trust us. They said telling Noelle was the same as telling Holly, and telling Holly… Well, you get the idea." He finished pouring and added, "Good luck, Kate." Then he moved on to Joan, and the two of them started chatting up a sibling storm.

I eased back into my spot on the couch and took a sip of the amber beverage, far from amused when my throat burned closed and threatened to refuse entry. Finally, I successfully swallowed.

Nearly watering, my eyes scanned again, and this time, I saw Alberta. With an incredibly cocky smile, she sauntered through the room, took a seat next to me, and proceeded to bob a tea bag in the cup she held.

Curious as hell, I took a whiff. "Earl!" I gasped. When she smugly nodded, I asked, "Where the hell did you find him?"

"I didn’t find him," she quietly replied. "I found my connections." She snickered and tilted close enough to whisper, "I have enough tea bags stashed in my bra for the entire weekend."

"In your bra?" I whisper-shrieked. "You let Earl in your bra?"

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Finally, I got a hold of Lesbian Adventure Club: Book 10’s second chapter. It has been very slow going. Apparently, the author has a life and responsibilities aside from us. Can you believe it?

If you haven’t read Chapter 1, please do so first, right here. People who read things out of order simply drive the author nuts.

Filled with apprehension, we stood in the study and watched Girl Friday take a leisurely stroll to a cabinet between two built-in bookshelves. She put her hand in her pocket to retrieve what ended up being a key. Then, she unlocked the cabinet door. A few seconds later, she turned around, holding … holding … Bimbo Babe! Damn, I was happy to see her, as Claudia and I had been forced to relinquish her a few days prior. Little did I know she’d be a kept woman, under lock and key in a frickin’ wall.

Girl Friday set her on the desk, and as she jiggled, it became obvious that Bimbo Babe was not quite herself.

"We dressed her up for the occasion," she declared. "She looks pretty damn good, huh?"

We all leaned in, and I admit: I feared another lopsided spectacle. Instead, I noted that she simply wore a gaudy diamond necklace, just as Alison did. Between jiggles, it madly glinted. Livable, I thought, at least until the hoopla began.

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One of you out there frickin’ dared to use the “dare” word on us! I am shocked, just shocked! I am also quite relieved that the dare issued was not of the Laura McCallister caliber. Holy shit, we’d all be naked and jumping into (onto?) an icy lake—or worse. It’s still February in our world.

This person—who shall remain nameless but who should also remember that the cop knows—claims that the title L-Word C-Word would not be as simple as Lesbian Christmas. She claims, in fact, that the actual meaning is hidden in the text. She claims there are dozens of l-word c-words in there and wants to know which one is the actual title. We have been dared to find and name them. Like we have nothing better to do! Jesus!

But far be it from us—okay, me—to resist a dare.

Well, there are four on the last page itself.

Linguistically challenged
Lessons completed
Learners convinced
Love confirmed

Calling all readers! Help us, you guys! Name them! Add a comment and name one!

Why is it that everyone gets a thrill out of 4 1/2 stars on a review of Corpse Call, Laura’s mystery, but Spiders, LAC 9, gets 4 1/2 stars and everyone wants to cry? Because the DWD got rather spoiled with eight 5-stars in a row, huh? Well, Spiders was different. It was supposed to be different. We’re different. We’ll roll with whatever punches we get, and we will try to do 1/2 star better on the next one.

Links to both the reviews are in the menu to your left. And please note that while there is no excuse for having errors as mentioned in the review of Spiders, we gave the author hell until she assured us they had been fixed. Damn fallible authors! Gotta love ‘em, though, warts and all.

Ha! Now that I’ve learned the layout of the author’s office a bit better, it did not take much effort to swipe the first chapter of the as-yet-unnamed, nowhere-near-complete Lesbian Adventure Club Book 10. Jesus, you guys are enjoying August while we’re still freezing our butts off in February. The author needs to write faster, huh?

Etiquette: I think I skipped that class. Do I tip the guy or not? It wasn’t as though he served coffee or anything. No, he just stared at me in the rearview mirror. Screw the tip.

I shoved the fare at him, offered my thanks, and slipped out the taxicab’s door and into the dark, cold February evening. It all felt odd, very, very odd.

I zipped up the front walkway and put the doorknocker to good use. I always had a fondness for knockers. Well, two I could fondly recall anyway. Jesus, shut up, Kate! Well, I was nervous: I rationalized. Desperate to calm myself and stay warm, I bounced on the balls of my feet.
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Since Laura is a DWD, we’ll give her kudos for solving a rather nasty case in Corpse Call. Her 3rd mystery is out, and I must say, I learned a lot about her.

You’ll recognize me, Claudia’s beautiful face, and, of course, no McCallister moment would be complete without Holly. You’ll even get to find out what I was up to that caused a far too close visit from the abyss for Claudia and me.

If you’re a busybody like me or just happen to like lesbian mysteries, you’ll want to click that link in the left menu, *PDF Excerpts*, for a sample.

There’s a review of L-Word C-Word, Lesbian Adventure Club: Book 8 over at Rainbow Reviews. Again, we got 5 stars! We are amazing, huh? There’s a link to it in the menu to your left, but check this out:

These characters are ones that I enjoy spending time with over and over again, and each new book is just as good as the ones that came before. In a series, after seven books, is it still possible to be inspired, awed, captivated, thrilled, gut-wrenchingly sad and heart-warmingly happy along with the characters? The answer is a resounding yes and the proof is this book.

Go, DWD! Okay, a little credit to the author, too, if we must. There’s an interview with her posted over there as well. You’ll find the link in the “Links” menu.

Spiders, Lesbian Adventure Club: Book 9 will be released on Saturday, July 11. The almighty publisher will have it in PDF, Mobipocket, and Microsoft Reader. Click here for the purchase page. DWD blog readers can use coupon code “08d24096a3″ for a 20% discount, good through July 21.

If you’re interested in a sample, use the link up top or to your left. You can also nab a PDF excerpt from the following link. Book 9, Spiders